Daily Rantics

I am sitting out on my back patio, taking in the fresh air and lilac scent, watching Lucy nose around every inch of the garden, looking for God only knows what, while studying for criminology and concepts of helping, which I have two midterms for tomorrow.

Got a little bit on my mind, no doubt I do I am writing on my blogspot...

Things have been pretty good lately. My mind is clear, my focus is exact, it's refreshing.  The only thing is there are some things I am putting off, only for the greater good I assume...my benefit I suppose...

How to you come face to face with something that has defeated you time and time again in your past? Whether it be a nasty rival...or a very good friend.  How do you say words you've said time and time again, hoping they'll stick this time...but really knowing they won't...that's the track record you are working with.

If I contently live my life without anyone else in it, I seem to have a perfect balance.  I feel strong and certain when I know whats going through my head....but when you interject other people, and well honestly, volatile other people, things aren't so black and white. The whole point of the matter is I am safe when I can control a situation and keep it to my liking. But when you interject other people, you can't control them.

No, I'm not saying I want to control the population in some dominating "take over the world" type jib, I just mean that I know when I am stable, and what I can handle within my own means, but when you put someone else in the equation, things do not make sense to me.

The question is, how do you stay in an argument when one person has blocked out the full and honest reason why it happened in the first place?

We've never had this happen before, to this extent, obviously some where deep down I was shaken enough to have to hide, isn't that grounds enough to show you something is wrong?

And isn't it wrong that you have no idea what happened for this to happen? For me to recluse like this?

I feel like I am just not strong enough to do this by my self, but I don't want others in the situation because...they started this in the first place.

Do you ever feel like you might be... imposing on someone that is your friend?

I keep trying to study with a friend, but she seems intent on ignoring me or being hasty when I ask her things.

I woke up extra early this morning, knowing she was having some issues with getting her studying done, with her really busy life. I figured I would go to school early, text her and tell her to come, so I could help her get her studying on track. I also told her she could come to my house saturday and we would do a crazy cram session. I don't remember what she said to the cram session, but I do know (now) that she was not interested in studying with me at all. Apparently she keeps getting interupted, and I suppose I am the source of that.

I am very emotional right now, ready to rip a bitch, that time of the month... so I wonder if in the last week or so I have just been noticing too much and reading into things too much. Probably.

I am also having group issues, and are worried that perhaps I might have to single handedly take on this project myself because my other team members are more interested in flirting with eachother than taking this seriously.

They do what they gotta do, but they aren't "into it" they aren't taking it seriously and that makes me nervous. This project is worth 50% and it can't be half-assed. I did half-assed a long time ago, I'm ready to be different.

Some of my members are on track...but the ones that aren't are the ones with the biggest attitudes and I'm scared they will lash out and cause drama. I don't like drama. I just wanna finish this project and go on with my life. WITH A GOOD GRADE.

I just need someone to talk to. No, I can't talk to the teacher. She's only going to tell me to talk to my group members, and I can't do that for the reasons stated above.  I really have no option. WELL I could talk to a friend but, no dice.

IF I could roll my eyes in this post right now, I'd so be rolling.

I have a situation for you. Pretend its your situation and let me know what your opinion is:

You and your friend have known eachother for a few years, talking and/or seeing eachother at least once a week for the last year and a half religiously, you helped her through a sucidal breakup (no boy is worth blood), family problems galore, etc. etc. Whatever shes your closest friend.

So anyway, girl gets a boyfriend, and like before with the other loser (this one isnt a loser as far as you can see) she becomes distant and non communicative. This is not normal for you guys, your so communicative it becomes an issue sometimes. ie, your eating dinner together and all of a sudden she says "omg i havent poo'd in four days", ya get my drift? anyway....so your trying to STILL get together for christmas, um, now, since christmas, and to no avail.

So you send her a facebook message since shes ignored your other four texts to her phone since christmas... saying "hey when are we gonna see each other?" and she doesn't reply for like, weeks, to which she says "I'm never on facebook so it will take me a while to get back to you". to which you reply "well i text you...and you dont text back, so i try facebook in a last ditch attempt to make sure you are still breathing and I don't have to call the search patrol"  to which she states, and i quote "i don't answer my txt bc I only pay for 1000 a month and when I run out its 25 cents a txt I do pay as you go. And I hardly use my phone anymore its not on my all the time. " what do you say to that? 1000 text messages and at least four texts to her without so much as a "hi fuck off i dont wanna talk to you"?

i replied "Holy crap u hardly use ur phone and still txt 1000? Holy shit. Learn to utilize fb then. Just cuz u only get so many txt doesn't mean you just ignore me :( I do not feel the love." yeah. i went there.

Am I over reacting? Someone please tell me I'm not retarded?

...sorry for the poor grammar and puncuation but this new netbook I've bought is really trying my patience, as much as this facebook issue is as well.

goddamn.