Daily Rantics

Not everyone understands their influence on the people around them.

For instance, when I'm having a migraine and the pain is bad, Adam gets upset with himself because there isn't anything he can do stop it. Here I am so wrapped up in my pain and sick that I didn't even realize my pain was hurting him.

Of course I didn't ask him to take the role of Mr. Fixit, but because he loves me he feels the need to do so and protect me.

You never intentionally want to hurt your loved ones, but it sometimes happens.

Sometimes your having a bad day and all you need is a shoulder to cry on, and that's ok. Its human. But sometimes that shoulder needs something from you.

Its hard to be in a relationship where the road goes only one way, or isn't paved.

I need to help myself right now. I can't have negativity, because I am very close to breaking again, and I need to reel myself in.

I am stressed, but in a good amount, as I can handle school just fine... But now I find my personal life leaking into my school/professional life, and its hurting me.

I have to step back, I have to. I can't feel that way ever again. You know what I was like, as I involved you in it.

Please understand I have to smile because I have a reason to, not to hide a frown.

Let me fix me, and when I'm strong enough to be what you need, and what's healthy for me, if your willing, we can talk.

Once you learn to love, you learn to hurt. Sometimes more than humanly possible.

I'm sorry.

K.


Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Disclaimer: this is not about Adam and I. Chill.

Where I used to draw strength, all there is now is negativity.

One thing I am learning in life is that sometimes love just isn't enough. Sometimes relationships end because there is no other option. Maybe you aren't strong enough for this.

I tell myself I am strong enough to move mountains, and all the self-help books, mothers and the like are cringing as I say this... That's hoo-ha.

Sometimes life throws you things that are optional but you feel you should fight for it no matter the consequences. And sometimes you fight until near death only to realize this person is actually bad for you, and you've spent all this time and energy focused on them that you now see it just can't possibly be anymore.

Sometimes we aren't strong enough. And that's ok. Sometimes fighting the battle takes more out of you than the relationship gives.

Real strength is measured by the fact you have the balls to realize this and withdraw.

Right now I know I am no longer strong enough to fight battles where no one wins.

I am tired.

And I love you indefinitely... But right now we have to step back and re-evaluate.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network