Life as I know it
Monday, May 31, 2010
I've spent a lot of time re-evaluating my life as of late.
At first, I labelled myself a failure for failing to be able to handle the intensity and adversity that comes along with being in the legal field. I just don't have what it takes to help rip families apart. I know there are good things that come from family law like adoption and whatnot, but the bad outweighs the good. Our legal system is flawed and its hard to stand behind something and talk the talk when you aren't even sure you think what you're saying is right to begin with.
Essentially I know I'm weak, mentally speaking, but that I always persevere, which is a sign of strength.
Your spirit has a way of duping you into thinking one thing when really, there's a whole other story in the mix too.
I decided that I want to go back to school to do something I really enjoy doing. Essentially, when I started out my whole post secondary career I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I applied to a few courses that I thought I might be good at, or that I would have success finding a job in, and ended up choosing legal admin...only because it had one math course involved instead of 2-4 like the other courses. I don’t really like math.
In the beginning I didn’t really have the necessary course from high school to take me to the university level (you can thank the Newfoundland school system for that) so I settled for college and went about trying to get into one that Adam liked.
My college experience was pure hell.
Yes, I made some friends, only one of which I see anymore. Yes I learned something, but mind you, not barely enough to make it in the legal field. I had a horrible professor whom enjoyed dragging anyone she could through the mud because she could, and when she found out people didn't like her, she said it was "because she was Asian". I've never judged anyone by the colour of their skin before, but apparently because I, and a lot of other people didn't like her, we were racists. It had nothing to do with her hateful demeanor or put downs, evil stares or vindictive personality. Clearly I hate Asians, even Nikki, whom just so happened to be Korean and one of my closest friends during college. Yeah. Clearly I had a problem with her being Asian (Insert sarcasm here).
But without being petty and cruel, I would like to say that I did come out of this with a few things I can use in life, one of which being the ability to cut through the bs some people throw my way, it's a trait I had to hone whilst working in a law office. There is a lot of bs there, and I mean, A LOT.
I have been reading a few good books lately, on how to keep on growing once you've reached your goals. Self Improvement 101 by John C. Maxwell. It was a pretty good book, a big eye opener, for being chocked full of religious fandom.
Other than the hole love Jesus hoo-haw, it made some very valid points to which I will hold for the rest of my life.
One thing I've always been told in life is that I have to set goals, and I have to set out to achieve those goals to be successful in life. Mr. Maxwell does agree with this to a certain extent, but it really all boils down to your definition of successful. Is it getting to the goal you've set for yourself? or is it surpassing the goal, and constantly setting new ones in the process?
He said one interesting thing in the book, and that was "don't be goal oriented; be growth oriented". Many people reach their goal, whether it be getting to the top of your business career, or perhaps loosing 20 lbs, but many people just stop there, and don't go anywhere else because they are comfortable. People limit themselves and don't allow themselves to grow any further because they are afraid to lose all that they have worked for up until the point of their goal.
I guess what you can say, is that I have changed my way of thinking. I've decided its okay to be growth oriented. So it's OK that 2 years of college and 2 years of legal work didn't work out for me. The only difference is, that I was not comfortable in my job, so I left. That was my first step. Second step is getting to realize that it wasn't just where I worked, the problem laid within me and the way I perceive things. I need to be in an organization that appreciates me and my work. Perhaps not always rewarding me with bonuses and stuff, but just by that simple smile as I walk in the door in the morning, or the card at Christmas, that's enough for me. At least remember my name, don't call me "hey you" or "new girl". Take the time to learn my name, and I will surpass all that you need.
So I've decided to go back to school, I applied on the weekend, to do something with my time that I know I will appreciate and love. I want to work with people, and I want to help. I want to live a volunteer-based life, wherein I can spend time either organizing events and fundraisers for volunteer groups, or I can do programs like rec and leisure for elderly and children. I just want to be in a position where I'm helping people achieve their goals and to continually grow within themselves.
I never want to give up reading, or writing.
I never want to give up my love for music or learning. I am very growth oriented, but for the most part I've let that be part of my spare time, now I'm going to make my spare time into every hour of every day.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
At first, I labelled myself a failure for failing to be able to handle the intensity and adversity that comes along with being in the legal field. I just don't have what it takes to help rip families apart. I know there are good things that come from family law like adoption and whatnot, but the bad outweighs the good. Our legal system is flawed and its hard to stand behind something and talk the talk when you aren't even sure you think what you're saying is right to begin with.
Essentially I know I'm weak, mentally speaking, but that I always persevere, which is a sign of strength.
Your spirit has a way of duping you into thinking one thing when really, there's a whole other story in the mix too.
I decided that I want to go back to school to do something I really enjoy doing. Essentially, when I started out my whole post secondary career I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I applied to a few courses that I thought I might be good at, or that I would have success finding a job in, and ended up choosing legal admin...only because it had one math course involved instead of 2-4 like the other courses. I don’t really like math.
In the beginning I didn’t really have the necessary course from high school to take me to the university level (you can thank the Newfoundland school system for that) so I settled for college and went about trying to get into one that Adam liked.
My college experience was pure hell.
Yes, I made some friends, only one of which I see anymore. Yes I learned something, but mind you, not barely enough to make it in the legal field. I had a horrible professor whom enjoyed dragging anyone she could through the mud because she could, and when she found out people didn't like her, she said it was "because she was Asian". I've never judged anyone by the colour of their skin before, but apparently because I, and a lot of other people didn't like her, we were racists. It had nothing to do with her hateful demeanor or put downs, evil stares or vindictive personality. Clearly I hate Asians, even Nikki, whom just so happened to be Korean and one of my closest friends during college. Yeah. Clearly I had a problem with her being Asian (Insert sarcasm here).
But without being petty and cruel, I would like to say that I did come out of this with a few things I can use in life, one of which being the ability to cut through the bs some people throw my way, it's a trait I had to hone whilst working in a law office. There is a lot of bs there, and I mean, A LOT.
I have been reading a few good books lately, on how to keep on growing once you've reached your goals. Self Improvement 101 by John C. Maxwell. It was a pretty good book, a big eye opener, for being chocked full of religious fandom.
Other than the hole love Jesus hoo-haw, it made some very valid points to which I will hold for the rest of my life.
One thing I've always been told in life is that I have to set goals, and I have to set out to achieve those goals to be successful in life. Mr. Maxwell does agree with this to a certain extent, but it really all boils down to your definition of successful. Is it getting to the goal you've set for yourself? or is it surpassing the goal, and constantly setting new ones in the process?
He said one interesting thing in the book, and that was "don't be goal oriented; be growth oriented". Many people reach their goal, whether it be getting to the top of your business career, or perhaps loosing 20 lbs, but many people just stop there, and don't go anywhere else because they are comfortable. People limit themselves and don't allow themselves to grow any further because they are afraid to lose all that they have worked for up until the point of their goal.
I guess what you can say, is that I have changed my way of thinking. I've decided its okay to be growth oriented. So it's OK that 2 years of college and 2 years of legal work didn't work out for me. The only difference is, that I was not comfortable in my job, so I left. That was my first step. Second step is getting to realize that it wasn't just where I worked, the problem laid within me and the way I perceive things. I need to be in an organization that appreciates me and my work. Perhaps not always rewarding me with bonuses and stuff, but just by that simple smile as I walk in the door in the morning, or the card at Christmas, that's enough for me. At least remember my name, don't call me "hey you" or "new girl". Take the time to learn my name, and I will surpass all that you need.
So I've decided to go back to school, I applied on the weekend, to do something with my time that I know I will appreciate and love. I want to work with people, and I want to help. I want to live a volunteer-based life, wherein I can spend time either organizing events and fundraisers for volunteer groups, or I can do programs like rec and leisure for elderly and children. I just want to be in a position where I'm helping people achieve their goals and to continually grow within themselves.
I never want to give up reading, or writing.
I never want to give up my love for music or learning. I am very growth oriented, but for the most part I've let that be part of my spare time, now I'm going to make my spare time into every hour of every day.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
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