Daily Rantics

I haven't been feeling exceptionally well lately, and haven't had the heart to write much less post anything on the blog.  Things really haven't been normal since Christmas, and that kind of sucks.  Its like one bad blow to the next and its quite hard to become accumstom to....because for certain the things that are going on now aren't just going to disapear.  Work sucks and most likely in itself it is the main reason I've been so dragged out.  My weeks go by fast, but that means my weekends do too, and then I turn around and I'm back in that hellhole again. It really isn't healthy I trust.

I've been growing my nails for about a week or so now, as many of you know, I have the obsessive need to bite my nails every four seconds, thus resulting in my fingers looking like little ugly stumpies.  I have never had any nail at all on my fingers, and for the first time, I see a little white line of nail on my fingers. It's super! lol. 

Its just something I'm doing to focus on as a good thing I'm doing, amongst all this bad messed up shit at work and whatnot.  You may think I'm a failure at my job, but I can grow my nails bitch! WOOYA!



Oy Vey.

My mother thinks the medication I'm on makes me an emotionless drained energy drone.


I don't think it does. I finally feel alive. But perhaps its helped me step back from her, and she is experiecing the gap between us and its affecting her.
We had a spat tonight, or something of the fact. Its not that I didn't want to speak with her, but I was tired and scared. Her telephone calls are scary to me. She brings up scary stuff, or things I don't want to always talk about. Sometimes I just want to talk with my mom, shoot the breeze. I don't want to speak about negative things, or things she doesn't get about me. But that always seems to be something she wants to talk about in EVERY conversation.
I know I'm a book written in a foreign language to her. But that doesn't mean she can't try to learn a few things.
I love my mother with all my heart. But sometimes our conversations drain whatever life is left out of me at the end of the day.
I also had a long hard day today, but she doesn't understand how that could affect me once I am home, away from work. Funny that she would say that, as all she's done in the last three years is bring her worklife home with her. However scornful and unhappy the expereince was, I let her vent.
I know it will get worse with the wedding fastly approaching. She'll harass me from sunup to sundown about details, details, details.
I think I'm going to have to elope.